Would you?

If you see the dark side of me

Would you still love me the same?

Lies aside, I know you won’t

If I can’t do it, why would you.

…

Written on,

17052020

1400HRS

 

Blue & You

Today, I’m feeling blue.

The thoughts of how to get this mend,

I had no clue.

…

We used to be inseparable,

As fixed as glue,

But now we seem breakable,

So what should I do?

…

Today, I’m feeling blue

I guess the reason, is you.

…

19072018

1725 HRS

Upon Realizing

10^th January 2015 | 9.21 p.m.

I woke up this morning by the sound of my cat mewing outside my room. It’s like a routine for my cat to enter my room. Whether it stays with me the whole night sleeping beside me, or waking me up early in the morning by making sounds in front of the door. So, I wake up, let the cat come in and we both snuggled in bed. Hahaha cats are just so cute :3 After an hour playing with her, I went downstairs. I was greeted by a gloomy atmosphere. My mom in front of her laptop looking stressed, my dad watching the tv. The tense feeling was suffocating me I was unable to make any sound.

I know. There have been a lot going on the house. With the water crisis still going on in my house and the school’s opening soon, there must be a lot of burden on my parent’s shoulders. I have been whining (by myself) about how my parents work all the time. Even during holidays, weekends. I keep complaining on how they didn’t spend time with us, their children. I keep on asking myself why do they need to work hard, searching for money when all I need was for them to give me at least a bit of attention. All I want was for them to take care of themselves more and not come back home being sick all the time.  I keep on asking why, why, why.. Not realizing that all their hard work, the benefits goes to us.

I am the first daughter of the family. I was borned  when my parents were in their 20s. I spent the longest time with my parents compared to my younger siblings. I’ve experienced a lot. As the first daughter, I was given full attention from them since I was little. I was their first child, so my firsts was their firsts too. The first time I called them mom and dad was probably the first time they were called like that. The first time I went to school was the first time they have ever sent their own child to the school. And the first time I entered university was also their first time managing their teenage daughter from a far distance.

I now realized how much it costs living a life in university. The costs for my siblings’ studies, payment of the house, cars and other living expenses.  They costs a lot, and all those money came from my parents. They worked hard for us. I wasn’t borned in a rich family. My family was considered as the medium wealth family. Alhamdulillah. I realized how hard it is for my parents. While I was sitting and complaining, they were working, thinking about their children. But I’m still sad. I wished they would take a rest for a while, considering their health.

As I watch my dad, I realized his hair was covered in white. The black hair I used to see when I was little is no longer there. As I was growing older, my parents  were aging too.  Their body couldn’t handle too much work like they used to before. They often get sick now. Proving that they are not as youthful as before. I’ll have to work hard too. So that their hard work would not be wasted. You know what am I thinking about right now? I’m imagining.. The time when my parent’s would sit down, enjoy their old days together, without having to worry about anything.  And they’ll look at their children and say, “ We have never been happier than to see our children become such great persons. All those hard times has been payed. We’re proud of you.”

I think I have found my dream now. 🙂