You and I

I was a girl,

Who used to be locked inside her own door,

But some just had the powers to let themselves inside,

And you are one of them.

 

You and I,

were having the time of our lives,

We bared our hearts to each other

We found the same things we would bother,

And I thought that was why we clicked so well

We were so similar, it killed us as hell.

 

All your smiles, laughs and fears,

Which one of it were true?

Your words, actions and tears,

Was it right to believe in you?

Seeing all these different sides of you,

I don’t know what to do..

All I wanted to ask was,

Which is the real you?

 

We used to be close, but not anymore

I opened it once, now I’m closing the door

You act like you cared me, all you did was just drained me

If I leave you, would you blame it on me?

…

Written on,

21042020

2030HRS

Complicated Me

I feel sorry for all the people who crosses paths with me.

I know, sometimes they feel unwanted or uneasy with my sudden mood changes. i feel bad, really.

Sometimes, I want to be close, sometimes I just want to distance myself from everyone. It’s confusing, really. Even I am confused with myself, most of the time.

I feel so lonely but I don’t want to talk to anyone. sometimes I feel so far away from the people close to me. Sometimes I feel so close to the people far away from me. Sometimes I feel lonely even with the people surrounding me.

It’s not even their fault, but i feel like this feeling I have affects them too. And I feel terribly sorry for that.

…

10102019

1607HRS

Heartfelt.. How Time Changes Someone

7^th January 2015 l 9.32 a.m.

It has been a long time since I went out to the city. I’ve been at home since my semester break and rarely have the chance to enjoy the fresh air outside. Well, actually I have plenty of chance, but I’m just umm lazy to go out fufufu :3

So, I live in a small district not far from the capital city of Sabah, Kota Kinabalu. And right now I’m waiting for my father in his office’s cafeteria right in the middle of the city. From the 3^rd level of his office I could see half of the view of this city. I chose a desolated area to sit so I could comfortably eat alone without being too noticeable to the corporate workers that were having breakfast here. (note that I dislike attention *hoot*)

It has been only a few months since I left KK (Kota Kinabalu) to study in East Malaysia. But so many things have changed here. Or is it just me thinking like that? Hmm.. So I’m here eating alone, waiting for my father to come and have breakfast together. He’ll be sending me to my best friend’s house after this. I’m so excited to meet her 😀

7^th January 2015 l 5.10 p.m.

I’m  home! Spent a quality time with my best friend earlier. I heard a lot of stories from her. But one story really gave me the chills. We were chatting about college stuffs when the topic about our former classmate came up. She was my class rep during high school. A tough and bright girl packed with confidence and leadership. We all knew she went through a lot of hardships in 2013. I may not be her closest friend but I do care. When it comes to my classmates, the one we call the Amanians 0913, I really do care. A lot.

So back to her story. This one friend of mine was once a girl full of passion for dancing. She participated in so many dance competitions. She’s really tough, and her choice of words could be heard a little bit harsh to me and other people who may not know her. Sometimes I couldn’t help but feel offended by what she says although I knew she was just joking. I just couldn’t stand harsh words hahaha. But as time goes by, I’m used to it. And I adore her personality more than anyone. She went through a really hard time in 2013 up until now. But I can see.. Those hardships made her stronger. Those hardships changed her to be a better person. I could see it from her posts in Facebook and WeChat. When my best friend ( the one who went to the same college with her)  told me how is her condition now. I couldn’t help it. I was touched, I almost cried.

She really is gradually changing. Although she is still outspoken, but her insides has become so much better. She has become such a responsible daughter and a great Muslimah. She studied hard, knowing that she bears the responsibilities as the oldest in her family. Knowing that she has to help her mom to get back up from those hardships. She started covering her aurah properly, perfecting her ibadah. Recently I heard that she does so well in her studies.  I am so proud of her. I adore her even more. And I couldn’t help but to feel ashamed of myself. She has changed and will continue to change. The stories I’ve heard about her gave me inspirations. My tears started flowing down my cheeks. SubhanAllah.. Alhamdulillah. Allah, You gave hidayah to the person who really needed, give her strength, give her the power to overcome the obstacles in life.

|             [لا يكلف الله نفسا الّا وسعها ]

Indeed, Allah will never burden anyone beyond their limits. There is always a silver lining in every circumstances in our lives. Don’t take for granted if we only get the good things. Be grateful and don’t forget all the things we possessed today belongs to God. Don’t fret if we face problems,because there is always reasons behind the problems.